Faith Test: Pregnancy

Last Saturday, Luke and I left for Faithwalkers. We look forward to this conference each year, as it is one big family reunion filled with incredible teachings by men we love and greatly respect. Sunday's teachings were AMAZING, and God really spoke to both of us on the area of faith and surrender. We were looking forward to two more days of intensity, but it was not to be.

It all started on the drive down on Saturday. I started "spotting" (basically, lightly bleeding) at one of the rest stops. So, I called First Nurse. They said it was pretty normal and just to monitor it. It stopped Saturday evening, but came back lightly on Sunday and stopped again by afternoon. I figured I was out of the woods, and didn't give it another thought that afternoon. My heart was stirred by the teachings, and I wanted nothing more than to get alone with my Lord.

I realized there were areas of my life that I had not fully surrendered over to the Lord's care. I was afraid of the unknown, because I didn't really trust God (aka: I was not living by faith.) Subconsciously, I was withholding my heart from trusting Christ with my husband, my baby, my health, and my comfort. I didn't want my husband to die, more than I wanted anything else. I didn't want my baby to die either. I wanted to never again be as sick as I had been 5 years ago, and I was enjoying the small comforts of life, like having an abundance of food and a roof over my head. I was not willing to let it be in God's hands, because in my heart, it felt like that was leaving it all to chance. I was not trusting in God's mercy and kindness. I did not trust Him to take care of me or my family.

I mean, mentally I believed He could and would. I had all those verses memorized and believed they were true in my mind, but not truly in my heart (which was made apparent by some of my actions or thoughts.) So, that afternoon, I broke. I gave it all over to God in my heart. I realized it may be something I'd have to continually give over to Him until I had the experiential knowledge in my heart to back it all up, but I was willing to do this for the first time! My heart was actually longing to trust Him and have His peace. I started to really believe that it wasn't risky to give it all to God. He was in control and loved us at all times! Even during trials and tragedies, He was there loving us through it! That was a beautiful first step.

Well, just 5 hours later, our faithful Lord decided to test my new found heart conviction to give me experiential knowledge. Oh goody, right?

Sunday evening came, and during that last teaching of the night, I started to feel "wet". Yes, gross. When we got back to our room, I discovered I was "leaking" heavier than ever (and bright red.) It wasn't a ton, mind you, but it all came in a few waves and soaked me a bit (it wasn't enough to be my water breaking.) Surprisingly, I was really calm. I called First Nurse again and they said not wait 24 hours to get examined.

Our options were to go the the ER now, or to wait until morning. Again, I really didn't feel anxious. Luke and I simply prayed about it, and decided to call Annette Barrett (one of our pastor's wives and also a trained nurse) to ask her counsel. She suggested that I go to bed (it was 11pm at this point) and monitor it all night. If I kept leaking like this, I was to go to the ER immediately. If it stopped, then I could call our midwife's office in the morning and ask if they'd like me to see someone in backwoods MO or drive home. The concern was that I might have been losing amniotic fluid.

We took Annette's advice, and decided to go to bed. I finally had time for everything to hit me. And, as any good pregnant woman would do, I started to cry. Not sobs of "why me", but of pure emotional and physical exhaustion. I told God I wanted to trust Him with this, and asked for His peace and comfort. Luke joined me in prayer, and we asked God to stop the bleeding and show us beyond a shadow of a doubt what He wanted us to do in the morning.

After a night of little sleep but no more leaking, I woke up feeling a lot of pressure down low. I felt like all the baby's weight was in my pelvic area, and it was difficult to walk. My muscles down there were really sore. I was having mild contractions off and on, but they were not significant in length or closer together than 20 minutes. I also felt my legs feeling tired and shaky, like they couldn't support all the weight. I was also still spotting a bit. But, God's peace prevailed, and instead of freaking out, I felt confident God would show us what He wanted us to do.

Luke and I had our separate quiet times right away, and each felt God wanted us to go back to Ames. When we talked about it, we were relieved to be united on the subject. So, as Luke was packing us up, his parents (who were also at Faithwalkers) showed up. They were feeling really compelled to tell us to go back to Ames. This further confirmed our decision. So, they jumped in and helped Luke pack and make a sack lunch. Mom Anderson offered to come with us, just in case. At this point, it was uncertain what was going to happen, so we gladly accepted. Obviously, the concern that morning was that I could go into labor. We really didn't want to have our baby in backwoods MO! We prayed as a family for the ride home.

I called the midwife's office next. The midwife's nurse thought it best to come back to Ames as well, so I could be monitored. She scheduled me a late afternoon appointment, and we were off. We texted many of our church family who were at Faithwalkers to pray for me, the baby, and that labor wouldn't start. The trip was long and tiring, but incident free! Praise God! We made it with only 2 minutes to spare before the appointment.

The midwife checked the baby first. His vitals were completely normal, and he was happily moving around. She commented that his head was REALLY low, but nothing to be concerned about. Then she examined me and checked to see if I was dilated. She found nothing wrong with me. The cervix was completely closed and I had no scrapes inside. The residue blood had no amniotic fluid in it. Basically, she had no idea why I was bleeding off and on, but said we (me and baby) were fine.

She assigned me a few days of serious rest, and wanted me to monitor everything for the next 48 hours. She only speculated that a portion of my placenta could have separated from the uterus. This was nothing to worry about, unless it continued to do so. She really wasn't sure, and only an ultrasound could tell us for certain. We will probably end up having an ultrasound if the bleeding continues.

Anyway, that was our last weekend! It was truly a whirlwind, and a test of our faith. The Lord really answered our prayers and gave us peace. The best thing of all is that now I have some REAL experiential knowledge of God's loving kindness and care. I really wasn't afraid any of the time. I really did trust God with the situation and had real peace. I still feel peaceful about what happened, and that it was all according to God's plan. It all had a purpose. Also, the next day I feel pretty normal again physically. No low weighty pressure or cramping or sore muscles. All I know is that we were meant to come home, and all those prayers helped us. All I can do now is Praise God! What an amazingly faithful Father!